This post was inspired by My Money My Life’s post on Toxic Friendships.
I was a part of my high school friend’s wedding. We were good friends in high school, but lost touch in university. But when she got engaged, she asked me to be in her wedding party. I accepted but I wasn’t sure what to say. I hadn’t even met the groom.
The month prior to her wedding, I would bus back from the City (2hrs each way!) to my hometown to help prepare an event or attend an event. Some weekends, I would bus back, only to be waiting for her call – all weekend – for nothing.
On the day of her wedding, I was asked – the day prior – to make a speech to my friend. I felt so awkward – playing the part of the “best friend” when I felt I hardly knew her. But I put on a smile and made a toast to my friend and her new husband, wishing them all the best in their new life together.
After the Wedding
For an entire year after the wedding, I tried to get in touch with my friend, but she never returned my calls and after a few times, I stopped calling. Then, out of the blue, I got a call from her. My friend had settled into her new life, and I guess she wanted a friend. She thought that we should meet at least once a month to “catch up”.
She only wanted to meet back in my hometown. Others were last minute cancellation or change of plans on her part. I remember making plans a couple of times, but only once did we end up meeting close to her work. I get it, she has a husband and I’m single. I should be more flexible. But I got tired of it.
The truth was, that I only had so much time, energy and patience. And I felt that I was more annoyed than I was caring. I didn’t tell her to her face, I just kinda stopped making the effort. I stopped letting her know when I was back in town, or suggesting we meet up.
I left the ball in her court, but kinda knew that it would probably just stay there. I haven’t really heard from her, aside from a Facebook message last summer.
Maybe I should have been a better friend. Maybe I should have tried harder to be there for her when she might have needed me. But I just didn’t feel like it anymore.
I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person. I still feel guilty writing this out. But, it really felt draining trying to keep up what felt a “facade” of a friendship just because we were friends in high school.
Readers, have you ever had to let a friend go? How do you feel afterwards? Do you ever feel guilty?