Daily Archives: May 3, 2012

The Race to the Alter

(Image via)

As I approach 30, it seems that everyone around me is getting hitched, popping out kids, or both (not necessarily in that order). It seems that every time I go home on a weekend, my parents ask if there are wedding plans for BF and I.  Then, I get lectured about my age (I just turned 28) and why BF and I aren’t “serious” about our relationship.  I think my mom nearly had a heart attack when I told her that BF was younger than me (gasp!).

My Thoughts on Marriage

Marriage is not the be all and end all for me.  About 4 years ago, I had a heart to heart with myself about my future and whether marriage was in the cards for me.

I was single at the time.  I had just broken it off with a guy I had been dating briefly, and the only other serious relationship I had was with my high school sweetheart (we dated for 4.5 years) which ended 2 years prior.

In the 2 years I was single, I was meeting guys, and dating, but things just didn’t feel right with anyone.  Dating takes work and effort, and I was tired of putting in all this effort just to get a man.  What gives?

Then I started to think that it is entirely possible, I won’t find anyone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.  As those of us who are dating after college may agree – the pool of eligible partners shrinks significantly.

So I really started thinking about the things that I’d want in my life.  I want to be independent and support myself.  I want to own a home and be able to enjoy my life.  I want a dog, and maybe kids.  Truly, I didn’t really need a man for that (although, one might come in handy, sometimes, depending on the man).  If I really wanted kids, I could adopt one when I was financially secure and established in my career.

 A Partner

I didn’t need someone to take care of me, it was clear that I could do that on my own.  But I wanted a partner – someone who is truly my better half.  Someone to spend my life with and share my dreams with.  Someone whom I loved and loved me back.  Someone whom I respected and respected me.  Someone who had similar values and whom I could talk to about anything.

But I hadn’t found this someone in 2 years.  It was entirely possible that I may never find them, and I came to terms with that.  So, I started to plan out my life without a guy in mind and realized that I can be truly happy and fulfilled, all on my own.

Besides, being in my male dominated office, I see the guys around me refer to their wives in such a demeaning manner – it’s really quite depressing.  I’d much rather be alone than be spoken to in the manner I had witnessed.

I Wasn’t Afraid

I knew some girls who dreaded being single. They stayed with their boyfriends even when he treated them like sh*t.  I’ve had girl friends who were belittled and talked down to by their boyfriends in front of me, and when I asked them why they put up with it, they responded that they didn’t want to be alone.

One girl I knew told me that if she had dated a guy for a few years, she’d just marry him because she thought it was a waste of time if she didn’t.  She was 21/22 years old at that time.  Being a friend, I offered my thoughts that wouldn’t it be better to know while dating whether that person is the right person for us while we’re dating.  That’s what dating is for!  Besides we are so young, and we have our whole life ahead of us.  Obviously, we differed in opinions.

Then I met BF

Shortly after my heart-to-heart moment with myself, I started dating BF.  BF and I knew one another from school and had traveled together during exchange.  I thought he was a really nice, if not flaky guy (sorry, BF!!  But he was always late when we traveled together.)  But since I wasn’t worried about finding Mr. Right, anymore, I had a lot of fun getting to know BF and we eventually became an item.

Now, as we enter into a new chapter in our lives – BF is going away to complete his MBA at a top-notch school in the USA – I am so glad that we are doing this together.  🙂  I know the time apart will be tough, but our relationship is strong, and I hope to build upon it and make it even stronger. And one day, when we are both ready, we can tie the knot – but it won’t be a race for us to the alter.  I guess, it will be like taking the scenic route.

What are your thoughts of a partner in life, or marriage?

PS.  Check out Krystal’s thoughts on marriage and wedding.   Very thought provoking.



Filed under Personal

April 2012 Networth and Goal Recap

April Expenses

Over budget – $5.20 😉

  • Groceries  – I think that I need to increase this to $125 a month since I also used $20 from my PC credit card to pay for groceries.
  • Cellphone – I went WAAAAY over my 100 text messages, so I increased my monthly plan to include 250 messages for $36 a month after fees and taxes.
  • Medical – I stocked up on my contact lens.  After medical reimbursement and the manufacturer’s rebate, I will be paying $85 out of pocket for 2 years supply.

I am really happy about how this month turned out.  I was even able to take BF out to a nice dinner out on the town, and my family out for a Korean food – while not blowing my budget.

I haven’t shown it, but I’ve saved 67% of my income this month, and I can’t wait to throw more money into my TFSA.

April Net Worth

Since I missed March’s recap, I’m really pleased with squeaking out with a 4% increase in net worth from February.  As my net worth increases, I know it will get harder to increase the net worth percentage increase, but I will keep trying.  I am so excited to see my net worth inch closer and closer to 6 figures!

I am also expecting a $2,400 tax refund – which will mostly go towards paying for my annual car insurance… but money is money! 🙂

March/April Goal Recap

  • Pitch for Screening MissRepresentationfail!  My colleague and I talked to my manager about it, but haven’t followed through with a business case/proposal.  I focused on studying for my professional licensing exam and job searching, instead.
  • Finalize my resume – check!  I’ve completely revamped my resume – twice.  I’ve gotten great feedback from friends and colleagues and I am so pleased with the final product.  I even went in for an interview! 🙂
  • Study for Professional License Exam – check!  I’ve written the test and need to wait for the results.  I feel pretty good about the test and am so glad that it’s over.

On-going Goals Recap

  • Pack my lunch everyday (including fruits)- check!
  • Get off the computer by 9:30 – 10:00pm – fail!  I’d get off the computer by 10pm, but then, I’d check my iPod.
  • Finish a book – pass  I finished Jean Chretian’s autobiography.  It’s the first politician’s biography that I have finished, and I really enjoyed.  What a character! 🙂

I like the 3 goals.  It’s much easier to keep track of.  Time to think of May goals! 🙂

Readers, how has your April?


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Filed under Budget, Finance