As I approach 30, it seems that everyone around me is getting hitched, popping out kids, or both (not necessarily in that order). It seems that every time I go home on a weekend, my parents ask if there are wedding plans for BF and I. Then, I get lectured about my age (I just turned 28) and why BF and I aren’t “serious” about our relationship. I think my mom nearly had a heart attack when I told her that BF was younger than me (gasp!).
My Thoughts on Marriage
Marriage is not the be all and end all for me. About 4 years ago, I had a heart to heart with myself about my future and whether marriage was in the cards for me.
I was single at the time. I had just broken it off with a guy I had been dating briefly, and the only other serious relationship I had was with my high school sweetheart (we dated for 4.5 years) which ended 2 years prior.
In the 2 years I was single, I was meeting guys, and dating, but things just didn’t feel right with anyone. Dating takes work and effort, and I was tired of putting in all this effort just to get a man. What gives?
Then I started to think that it is entirely possible, I won’t find anyone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. As those of us who are dating after college may agree – the pool of eligible partners shrinks significantly.
So I really started thinking about the things that I’d want in my life. I want to be independent and support myself. I want to own a home and be able to enjoy my life. I want a dog, and maybe kids. Truly, I didn’t really need a man for that (although, one might come in handy, sometimes, depending on the man). If I really wanted kids, I could adopt one when I was financially secure and established in my career.
I didn’t need someone to take care of me, it was clear that I could do that on my own. But I wanted a partner – someone who is truly my better half. Someone to spend my life with and share my dreams with. Someone whom I loved and loved me back. Someone whom I respected and respected me. Someone who had similar values and whom I could talk to about anything.
But I hadn’t found this someone in 2 years. It was entirely possible that I may never find them, and I came to terms with that. So, I started to plan out my life without a guy in mind and realized that I can be truly happy and fulfilled, all on my own.
Besides, being in my male dominated office, I see the guys around me refer to their wives in such a demeaning manner – it’s really quite depressing. I’d much rather be alone than be spoken to in the manner I had witnessed.
I Wasn’t Afraid
I knew some girls who dreaded being single. They stayed with their boyfriends even when he treated them like sh*t. I’ve had girl friends who were belittled and talked down to by their boyfriends in front of me, and when I asked them why they put up with it, they responded that they didn’t want to be alone.
One girl I knew told me that if she had dated a guy for a few years, she’d just marry him because she thought it was a waste of time if she didn’t. She was 21/22 years old at that time. Being a friend, I offered my thoughts that wouldn’t it be better to know while dating whether that person is the right person for us while we’re dating. That’s what dating is for! Besides we are so young, and we have our whole life ahead of us. Obviously, we differed in opinions.
Then I met BF
Shortly after my heart-to-heart moment with myself, I started dating BF. BF and I knew one another from school and had traveled together during exchange. I thought he was a really nice, if not flaky guy (sorry, BF!! But he was always late when we traveled together.) But since I wasn’t worried about finding Mr. Right, anymore, I had a lot of fun getting to know BF and we eventually became an item.
Now, as we enter into a new chapter in our lives – BF is going away to complete his MBA at a top-notch school in the USA – I am so glad that we are doing this together. I know the time apart will be tough, but our relationship is strong, and I hope to build upon it and make it even stronger. And one day, when we are both ready, we can tie the knot – but it won’t be a race for us to the alter. I guess, it will be like taking the scenic route.
What are your thoughts of a partner in life, or marriage?
PS. Check out Krystal’s thoughts on marriage and wedding. Very thought provoking.