Confession: A Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

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A lot of things have been on my mind lately, and one that I can’t keep from writing about any longer is a very likely long distance relationship in the near future for BF and myself. BF has been applying for MBA programs and he has been accepted to some of the world’s finest, with full tuition paid to boot. He has worked very hard, and he is so smart, and I am so proud of him and excited.

But another part of me is really scared and dreading the long distance relationship. BF and I have done LDR before when he was traveling for work, but it was never for that long. We’d go 3 to 6 weeks without seeing each other, before his company flew him back (and into my arms!). But things are going to be a bit harder now (and more expensive!).

My Plan

At first, I didn’t have a plan going forward, and I hate that. I’m a planning type of girl! I like plans.

Then, I started thinking some more and I knew that I needed a plan or else these 2 – 3 years will pass by very, very slowly and possibly painfully. After BF decides which school and program he will accept, we can work out a schedule for visiting and seeing one another and how we can stay in touch and be a part of each other’s lives.

Two years may seem like a long time, but it also means having summer and Christmas holidays. With summer holidays, he will only be away 8 months at a time, and I’m pretty sure that I can go see him at least once or twice during that time, or him come back. So, I will be focusing on the 2-3 months we will be apart instead of the 2-3 years.

I will need figure out my new budget for traveling and also see if there is a better rewards card which can make it worth it.

Self Improvement

I used to have my hands full between work, sports and maybe even taking a course. Now, I’ve gotten lazy, and only have been going to work and vegging at home (awful, I know).

I need to kick it up a notch, and look into ways to improve myself.

Option 1: Take a course or Write a Test

I’ve been curious about writing the first CFA test. I would like to learn more about finances and perhaps advance my degree in that direction, as opposed to just doing technical engineering. I think this would be a good first step, and also keep my busy and learning.

Option 2: Enroll in a MBA Program Part-time

This obviously takes a lot more commitment and planning than Option 1, but it’s not off my radar.

I’ve told myself that I won’t pursue more education until I feel a real need for it- such as a roadblock in my career. However, if I have the flexibility at work to work 9 – 5, I think that doing 2 courses a week would be do-able.

Even though the thought of being apart of my BF for so long is daunting, having a plan makes it a lot less scary. Well-heeled also had a great article about how her and her husband to be will be getting ahead financially by doing long distance.

Have you been in a long distance relationship with your sweetie? How do you guys cope with being apart? What made up your plan to work on yourself and your relationship?

Cheers,

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16 Comments

Filed under Finance, Personal, PF Confession

16 responses to “Confession: A Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

  1. Eek! Long distance relationships must be tough. I don’t think it would wear on me as much as it would for others, because I love my alone time and when the boy is gone for the weekend I love the peace. But I would obviously still miss him and would rather have him around.

  2. Yes, I have been in long distance relationship and when I read your post my first thought was… Have you considered going with him? I know how hard it is to leave job you like, friends, having family so far away and so on… But, in my opinion, in LDR there is no good solution. You can only find the solution which won’t be worse than another one. When you stay here, you will have your friends, family, your job but you’ll miss him and sometimes it can be so tiring that even when you have all these things and people you like… you won’t be happy. If you went with him, started another job opportunity… If it worked, you would be happy having him close to you but missing all what you left. Having plan is a good thing. But it’s a really long time and you just can’t plan your feelings and emotions. And believe me, after some months they can change you. I wish you all the best whatever you’ll decide. Because even if in my opinion there is no good solution, the most important thing is that you love each other :)

  3. Would it hurt your career progress to go with him? Or, can you apply to the school that he got into so you can spend the 2nd year together? It sounds like he was in consulting or something of that ilk, it’s hard on a relationship, but it also have plenty of perks as well. Also, not sure if you guys have talked about marriage, but I personally felt much more comfortable doing long-distance given that we will be married. I think I might be in the minority in my views, but I feel like we’ve found our person, and now we can concentrate on career-building for a while, and even though we may be in separate places, we are still a team working towards a better future for both of us. ROMANCE, straight-up! ;)

    • I’m kinda in a rut in my career right now, and I’m not sure about picking up my life and moving to where he is when I don’t have a plan. Since he will be in the USA and I am a Canadian citizen, I’m not sure how easy it will be to obtain a work VISA after I find work in the USA (if I can find work there).

      BF and I have talked about marriage. He would like to do it after he is done school, and I would like to do it within 2 years. So we are looking at the same time frame. I think that getting married before he goes away would be too rushed, and we both aren’t in a rush at the moment.

      It sounds like you and CB have hashed out a great plan, and are working as a team to make it work. I think no matter what the decision is – what makes it romantic is that two people with different ways of looking at things can come together to work on their relationship together. THAT is romantic in my books! :)

  4. Would it hurt your career progress to go with him? Or, can you apply to the school that he got into so you can spend the 2nd year together? It sounds like he was in consulting or something of that ilk, it’s hard on a relationship, but it also have plenty of perks as well. There are also very active Partners Clubs at bschools, mostly geared towards women (because, let’s face it, most MBA students are still men). It will be harder to be involved because you are not there, but I’d still encourage you to visit with your BF to the admit weekend, get to know some of his classmates, get to know the partners, stay on the mailing list, etc.

    Also, not sure if you guys have talked about marriage, but I personally feel much more comfortable with our long-distance given that we will be married (and I get to stay on CB’s very good dental insurance!). I think I might be in the minority in my views, but now that we’ve found our person, we can concentrate on career-building for a while, and even though we may be in separate places, we are still a team working towards a better future for both of us. ROMANCE, straight-up! ;)

  5. A long distance relationship for that kind of time period is going to be very tough. My partner and I went through a period recently where we were apart for 4, then 1, then 4 months over a period of 2 years. The key to getting through it will be trust, first and foremost, and open and honest communication, almost equally as important. I can’t stress that enough! Never go to bed at night on a bad note. If you have a bad phone/online conversation, work through it until things are ok. As Shovellicious said, there isn’t really a good way to plan for this kind of life event…you just have to live it.
    One trap to try and avoid – after you have been apart for a few months, there will naturally be a lot of pressure on both of you for your first reunion to be ‘special’. On that first day, it might seem like your partner has changed a little and like you have to relearn how to be with them. The more pressure and build-up you put on the day, the harder it will be. Just try to do something that you would normally do if you hadn’t been apart. A typical Saturday for example. The faster you can get back into your routine lives, the easier the transition of coming and going will be.

  6. This couldn’t come at a better time because I will be moving away to law school while my BF has to stay 8 hours away from me here in SD to work. He has only been with the company for a year and it took him awhile to get the position, so he cannot leave, and I cannot stay.

    We figured that it was the best decision for us so we can both take time to work on ourselves. I feel really bad that I am leaving him and a lot of people think that I am putting education over him, but it’s what I have to do for myself, and I already feel awful about it – so I’m sure your BF feels the same way. He probably would stay with you if he hadn’t gotten accepted w/ full rides. But take this time to focus on yourself and the 2 years will fly by! I’m looking at doing a LDR for 3 years. I will most likely take summer classes though so I won’t be able to come back as often.

    Just keep blogging and staying busy – and those 2 years will pass quickly, and both of you will be glad you did it. It will all be worth it in the end!

    • Wishing you and your BF all the best and I’m sure you guys will make it work. If there is one thing that I have learned about relationships, is that, as long as both parties are working towards a common goal – anything is possible! (How is that for romantic?)

      I will definitely try to keep busy and I think having this blog will a great reflection and great outlet.

  7. ChemLover

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my fiance for three years now, and although I won’t tell you it’s all been sunshine and kittens I do believe it’s actually strengthened our bond and especially our friendship. Like you, we’re currently visiting the other every 2-3 months. I strongly suggest that you don’t think too much about the overall separation but plan in terms of the next time you visit. That way you can have a nice (and relatively short) countdown until the next time you can be together. In between visits we have to rely on nightly Skype sessions and multiple texts through the day (which have been our saviors! – can you imagine LDRs before Skype?).

    I guess what I’m getting at is as long as you have a strong foundation before committing to the LDR, you can get through it. Yes it would suck, and there would very likely be days where you just want to say, “Screw it” and move to where he is, but I believe an LDR ultimately strengthens the relationship and if you can get through it relatively intact then you know you can get through practically anything.

    Good luck with your decision!

    • Thank you for everyone’s thoughts, tips and opinions. I’m so touched and feel much less “alone” in this journey.

      BF has been given a really great opportunity and I hope to support and encourage him in whatever way I can. If there is one thing that I’ve learned about relationships, is that as long as both partners are working towards a common goal – then anything is possible.

  8. PiC and I were LD for about 4+ years, I think it was, while we worked in separate locations. During that period in our relationship, we spent a lot of time on building: we talked on the phone a lot (thank goodness for free nights and weekends), & this was before Skype too, so we only saw each other every two or three months for a day or two depending on whose visit it was.

    It wasn’t terrible though we generally went to a lot of events alone, and we felt like we lived quite separate lives in tandem. It gave us a sense of healthy independence in the relationship which was nice.

    Still, I feel very much like we did our time, so I’d like not to do that again thanks very much. :)

  9. I haven’t done long distance, but I have a friend who has been long distance with her fiance for around 10 years! And they still do great with it.

    Also, have you started studying for the first part of the CFA test? I have to start studying right after I’m done with my MBA for that. Not looking forward to it as I hear it’s much harder than getting your MBA.

  10. I’m in a LDR right now and to be honest it’s pretty rocky. We’ve made plans to see each other every other month but it still does not make a relationship make. A LDR is not a relationship, it’s a promise to suspend everything mid air while you find your way back together. It’s worked out great for some and even strengthened their relationship, so I think it’s very individual. A big thing for me was none of us have committed to pack up to be with the other person, so in my mind I’m waiting around for an empty promise. But if you’re committed to be together after the separation and you have a firm end-date in mind, I think it’d work better.

    You should totally do the CFA! I’m doing it right now and it’s not easy. But with your engineering background you’d probably enjoy it A LOT more than me. Let me know if you do decide to go for it!

  11. Do I ever know! My husband works away from home, going months without seeing each other. I hate it but the money Is really helping us tackle our debt. Hopefully we can make a change in sept.

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